Notes from the Notpocalypse
Harold Camping has announced that his math was a bit off (its rocker), and that’s why we’re all still here after the Apocalypse that was supposed to happen on Saturday. New and improved end-of-the-world date: October 21. I’ll pencil it in.
You gotta wonder, though, if Camping and his ilk have really thought this whole Second Coming thing through. Granted, I’m not particularly religious, but if you’re even vaguely aware of what that Jesus guy did back in the day, I’m not sure he’s someone the Rapture-ready right wingers would want around.
Think about it: Jesus was a long-haired hippie / commie / rabble-rouser who hung out with prostitutes, lepers and outcasts, and who fought the moneylenders in the temple. If he showed up in the 21st century, he’d be rescuing women and children from sex traffickers, curing AIDS (as leprosy isn’t such a problem as long as you avoid armadillos), changing water into wine (or, more likely, wine into better wine, or Two Buck Chuck into really good artisanal cocktails) at a same-sex wedding, blowing up the Too Big To Fail banks, and generally standing up for the oppressed. The folks I see here throwing His name around are much more likely to be oppressing than oppressed.
But who are we kidding — the very people who are expecting to be whisked up into heaven here are the same ones who think Jesus was a blue-eyed blond. If some swarthy guy with a “Hello, my name is Jesus” badge showed up here, they’d tell Hay-zeus to get to work watering the lawn and trimming the hedges.