Sorry, Jane, we’ve moved on
Once upon a time, there was a magazine for girls called “Sassy,” and apparently, it was good.
Look, it was before my time, and I’m not really one for fashion features. But I have to respect any magazine that had cover lines like: “A day in the life of Miss America, indentured servant,” “Do you need armpit hair to be a feminist?” (Spoiler alert: No, but feel free to skip shaving if you’re so inclined), “13 reasons to stop dieting” and “Can anyone on ‘90210’ act?” Hah!
Sassy ran articles about abortion and STDs, attracting the ire of the religious (not-so) right, and treated teen girls like they had brains. It even inspired a generation of female journalists — seriously, there’s even a book called “How Sassy Changed My Life.” Can you imagine anyone writing anything like that about CosmoGirl?
Here are some real-life, honest-to-god headlines:
- My Rapist Friended Me on Facebook (and All I Got Was This Lousy Article)
- My Spin Instructor Quit and I’m Kinda Freaking Out
- I’m A Lonely, Insecure Wreck With Really Good Skin
- Why My Boobs Are Huge
- I Spent Two Weeks In A Mental Institution, But Left With Better Hair
This is a joke, right?
It gets worse. Jane Pratt writes a column about how someone in a salon said she looked (gasp!) old, and that prompted a torrent of tears. And if that’s not bad enough, the article included this paragraph:
Just like when I was being emotionally abused and calling women’s shelters and battered women’s hotlines every night in fear for my life a number of years ago, I knew that it would one day make me better able able to help other women in that situation. But both experiences still sucked really badly in the moment.
Wait, did she just compare getting called out for some crow’s feet to being in a abusive relationship? Seriously?
Look, I get it, you can talk about personal stuff on the web. But this site “for women” seems to be a tone-deaf cult of personality, an echo chamber for — I was going to say “old,” but that would make Jane cry — writers who were once wunderkinds to convince themselves that they’re still funny and hot and hip.
And I get that you can take a very personal tragedy and see the humor in it, or come at it from an unexpected direction, but jeebus, they’ve got some cracked-out angles. For example, that article entitled “Why My Boobs Are Huge”? That was about having a miscarriage.
The mind reels.
So sorry, Jane. I think I would have liked Sassy back in the day, and I respect you for what you’ve done. But I can’t imagine wanting to read you now.