Monthly Archives: August 2011
So these are the people responsible?? Damn you, publicists!
Via The Onion:
Dear world: What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so intent on following every infinitesimal move of a clan of fame whores whose only skill is fame whoreage? Can’t you focus on something, if not more useful, at least less maddeningly inane?
So we’ve got the aftermath of riots in England, rebels storming Tripoli, complete idiots making a run for the US presidency, the financial markets careening all over the place, earthquakes, hurrricanes, death and destruction…. and all anyone is talking about in S.G. is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kim Kardashian’s wedding, and rumors about Will and Jada breaking up.
WHO. THE. HELL. CARES???
The friggin’ royal wedding was bad enough, but at least Kate and Wills have a ceremonial position the government of Britain, and their picture might be on money someday. Kim Kardashian marrying Kris Humphries? Why is all of S.G. hanging on every detail of this wedding? The whole Kardashiclan do NOTHING except whore themselves out for the cameras. For the love of jeebus, Kim Kardashian only became famous because she made a friggin’ sex tape. And because she has a posterior of astronomical proportions. That’s it. And for that, she and her fam got a TV show, and now the world cares deeply that her wedding had a black and white theme, and there was Old Hollywood glamor, and Donald Trump chose to skip the ceremony to play golf, and that Lindsay Lohan didn’t notice that someone spilled punch on her white dress. In what POSSIBLE universe could this be considered important?
It’s enough to make me believe in Unintelligent Design, because there’s no way our species evolved to be this vapid. The dolphins or raccoons or armadillos should rule the freaking planet if this is all we can think about.
Then the Real Housewives suicide – look, I feel sorry for the guy, and his family. But he signed up to be on a reality show. He chose humiliation. He chose overspending. He chose to air his dirty laundry. If, after being exposed to reality shows for the past decades, he didn’t have a clue of what he was getting into, he was very, very dense. (To put it as politely as possible — my grandma told me to never speak ill of the dead. Of course, my grandma didn’t live long enough to see the rise of reality TV — perhaps she was one of the lucky ones.) And now, in the face of some guy’s suicide, the entire town is all aflutter over whether their beloved Housewives will be back on TV being idiots in a couple of weeks? Argh!
And finally, Will and Jada — because yes, everyone here is on a first-name basis with the Hollywood couple… Rumors! Scandal! Shock! Is anyone’s marriage safe when even Will and Jada can’t make it? Maybe their marriage would be better off if you didn’t have your maid buy every gossip rag in supermarket so you could pore over all the gossip. And maybe you want to think about your own family, what with your drugged up kids and your cheating spouses and your edge-of-bankruptcy finances and your moral bankruptcy and your political obliviousness and your… hell, I can’t even list all the problems the Good People of S.G. are ignoring. But if they can talk about how she was sleeping with that guy, and he was seen with someone else, and their marriage wa sa sham and all the rest, well, all the shit going on in your own lives doesn’t really matter, right?
Wake up, people. The world is going to hell, and we’re getting bread and circuses — except the bread is full of maggots, and the circus clowns aren’t even entertaining. What’s it going to take to get people’s heads out of their asses? What will it take to get our leading citizens to care about stuff that actually matters, instead of rancid sub-Hollywood bullshit? And how soon can we make it happen, because if I hear one more person talk about reality TV like it’s a viable career path, so help me Cthulhu, my head is going to explode. And if that happens, the collective IQ of S.G. will officially dip below that of a rotting rutabaga, and there will be nothing to stop the blind mole rats from taking over the world.
And if this is the best we can do? Screw it, they can have it.
Have I mentioned lately how much I love the Onion?
In any other party and in any other country, an individual may occasionally rise to the top in spite of being an uneducated ignoramus. In today’s Republican Party ‘in spite of’ is not the phrase we need. Ignorance and lack of education are positive qualifications, bordering on obligatory. Intellect, knowledge and linguistic mastery are mistrusted by Republican voters, who, when choosing a president, would apparently prefer someone like themselves over someone actually qualified for the job.
Have I mentioned lately how much I love Richard Dawkins?
So here’s the thing: Michele Bachmann is obviously nutso. I disagree with almost every word she says, including “and,” “the” and “or.”
So I really, really hate it when she, and her supporters, have actually got a point. And they were right about that damn picture on the cover of Newsweek.
As always, Jon Stewart says it best:
And then there’s all the corndog pictures. Yeah, yeah, we get it. She’s a woman! Eating something phallic! Hah! Because it’s like she’s got a dick in her mouth! Which is what women do, they suck dicks! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
For jeebus’s sake, people. The woman part? No big deal. The completely bonkers part? That is what we need to focus on.Who gives a crap if she went to John Wayne Gacy’s town instead of John Wayne’s? Who cares if she mistook Elvis’ birth date for his death date? What matters is that she’s actually got a shot at becoming president, riding a wave of completely irrational and contrary-to-all-facts wave of pissiness on the part of the Tea Party faithful.There are alrady Bachmann stickers all over SG — what the hell is wrong with this place?
And if Bachmann doesn’t get the nomination, Rick Perry is next in line — and he’s even crazier than she is! You don’t accuse the head of the Federal Reserve of treason if you’re playing with a full deck!
(And when are we going to get corndog-fellating pictures of Rick Perry? Is he going to get a crazy-eye pic on the cover of Newsweek? Somehow, I doubt it.)
Every fall, Red Wing High School celebrates Homecoming with “Dress Up Days.” “Wigger Wednesday” started in 2009 when a group of about 60 or 70 students decided to change “Tropical Day” that had students dressing in Hawaiian shirts to “Wigger Day.”
The school received some complaints, including one from [black student Quera] Pruitt, and responded by telling students to change out of their “wigger” attire. The students responded in protest by creating a Facebook page and called it “Wigger Wednesday” where students posted their intent to “keep wigger wednesday goin til that c*nt quits.”
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??
Pruitt sued, and good for her. The school is denying all claims and saying it will fight. Of course they are.
I’m betting that the school administration will claim that they have no control over the spirited hijinks of those little scamps who are going around in virtual blackface. I’m also betting they didn’t say “This is unacceptable,” or “This is what racism looks like,” or “You are wrong, and you will be held accountable.” I’m betting no special assemblies were held to raise awareness and to help educate students on the ignorance of their behavior. I’m betting they just rolled their eyes and hoped that Pruitt would shut up and get over it — or get out.
I’m putting my big stack of chips on these assumptions because I know it would be — oh sorry, it already IS true here in S.G. For a certain group of unexplainably popular students, every day is “Wigger Wednesday.” Have you ever seen a bunch of suburban white kids try to talk and dress like their favorite rappers on 106 & Park? Yup, it’s ridiculous — but oddly tolerated (and even more horrifying, admired) in a town with a nearly negative African-American population. But even if kids decided to have “Cholopalooza” during Homecoming week at SGHS, I don’t think our majority Latino student population would have much luck shutting it down. There’s just too much institutionalized bigotry here for it to be worth most people’s energy to try to fight.
How did the pendulum swing so far from the somewhat humorless Politically Correct movement of the 90s to the retro, casual racism we see all around us these days? Is it that, as our society continues to change and shift into the melting pot America was always meant to be — reflected most prominently in the face of our Commander in Chief — bigots are really running scared and emboldening each other to run off at the mouth? Like…
Really, Rep. Doug Lamborn (R-Co.) — associating our first African-American president with a “tar baby”? Oh, but he didn’t mean to be an ignorant, racist asshole — he merely misspoke. It happens to the best of us… We think “quagmire,” but “tar baby” just jumps out as the next logical thesaurus listing.
Seriously, Glenn Beck — a biracial Spider-Man is part of a left-wing, Black Power conspiracy started by Michelle Obama? My stars, where will it all lead?? No doubt with Black Panthers, AIDS activists and Code Pink members dining on the testicles of middle-aged white men!
…And let’s not forget the story I focused on in my last post about the very threatening African-American female valedictorian in Arkansas. The list goes on, but where does this crazy train stop?
No more shutting up. No more pretending everything’s ok. No more looking the other way. And screw anyone who tries to pretend that this crap is harmless. It’s not — it’s malignant, and like a TUMUH we’ve got to cut it out.
A high school student in Arkansas was blocked from receiving sole valedictorian honors this summer, despite earning the highest G.P.A. in her class and receiving only a single B in her four years at McGehee Secondary School. Kymberly Wimberly’s offense? She’s black. School administrators worried that Wimberly’s accomplishment would result in a “big mess” at the majority-white school, so Principal Darrell Thompson told the student’s mother “that he decided to name a white student as co-valedictorian,” even though the white student had a lower G.P.A.
The mind reels. And then the mind gets suspicious.
I know some of you are willing to say “Eh, it’s Arkansas” and leave it at that. But when I think about how things tend to work in S.G., I’m not so sure it’s not happening here, too.
There are some damn smart students here whose family came from South of the Border — or, in some cases, whose family stayed still when the border moved south — but our roster of Valedictorians has been blindingly white. And when a not-so-pasty kid starts creeping up the class rank list, one of the children of the leading lights will suddenly come up with an extra-credit project that pushes them over the top. Either that, or one of our melanin-blessed classmates will get an unaccountably low score on a test or in chem lab. And if that melanin-blessed classmate is also gifted with ovaries? Well, deduct a letter grade for daring to bring that nasty egg-laying apparatus into science class. Everyone knows girl can’t do science!
(Which reminds me — I brought this clipping about the three female winners of the Google Science Fair to my Chem teacher. He took one look at the picture and said something about how they’re all Asian, so it doesn’t count. WTF?)
(Also, how freaking cool is it that the trophies are made of Legos?)
ANYway. I’m even more interested in this quote from an article on Alternet:
Wait, so she’s not just African-American, she’s also a teen mom? Good God, but wouldn’t the S.G. power structure be in a tizzy in that case! Because obviously, anyone who has kids can’t be using her brain for anything other than playdate schedules. Oh, sure, it’s fine for the rich wives of S.G. to have a little hobby career, but it’s not like it could ever be more important than raising the kids and keeping the hubby happy.
Which made me love this story, too: A woman in Chicago went into active labor while taking her Bar Exam — and calmly finished the test, then walked to the hospital. She gave birth two hours later. From the article: “I’d love to see a lawyer make a “women can’t be partners because they have babies” joke around this remarkable woman.”