A plague of Kardashians, and other social ills
Dear world: What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so intent on following every infinitesimal move of a clan of fame whores whose only skill is fame whoreage? Can’t you focus on something, if not more useful, at least less maddeningly inane?
So we’ve got the aftermath of riots in England, rebels storming Tripoli, complete idiots making a run for the US presidency, the financial markets careening all over the place, earthquakes, hurrricanes, death and destruction…. and all anyone is talking about in S.G. is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kim Kardashian’s wedding, and rumors about Will and Jada breaking up.
WHO. THE. HELL. CARES???
The friggin’ royal wedding was bad enough, but at least Kate and Wills have a ceremonial position the government of Britain, and their picture might be on money someday. Kim Kardashian marrying Kris Humphries? Why is all of S.G. hanging on every detail of this wedding? The whole Kardashiclan do NOTHING except whore themselves out for the cameras. For the love of jeebus, Kim Kardashian only became famous because she made a friggin’ sex tape. And because she has a posterior of astronomical proportions. That’s it. And for that, she and her fam got a TV show, and now the world cares deeply that her wedding had a black and white theme, and there was Old Hollywood glamor, and Donald Trump chose to skip the ceremony to play golf, and that Lindsay Lohan didn’t notice that someone spilled punch on her white dress. In what POSSIBLE universe could this be considered important?
It’s enough to make me believe in Unintelligent Design, because there’s no way our species evolved to be this vapid. The dolphins or raccoons or armadillos should rule the freaking planet if this is all we can think about.
Then the Real Housewives suicide – look, I feel sorry for the guy, and his family. But he signed up to be on a reality show. He chose humiliation. He chose overspending. He chose to air his dirty laundry. If, after being exposed to reality shows for the past decades, he didn’t have a clue of what he was getting into, he was very, very dense. (To put it as politely as possible — my grandma told me to never speak ill of the dead. Of course, my grandma didn’t live long enough to see the rise of reality TV — perhaps she was one of the lucky ones.) And now, in the face of some guy’s suicide, the entire town is all aflutter over whether their beloved Housewives will be back on TV being idiots in a couple of weeks? Argh!
And finally, Will and Jada — because yes, everyone here is on a first-name basis with the Hollywood couple… Rumors! Scandal! Shock! Is anyone’s marriage safe when even Will and Jada can’t make it? Maybe their marriage would be better off if you didn’t have your maid buy every gossip rag in supermarket so you could pore over all the gossip. And maybe you want to think about your own family, what with your drugged up kids and your cheating spouses and your edge-of-bankruptcy finances and your moral bankruptcy and your political obliviousness and your… hell, I can’t even list all the problems the Good People of S.G. are ignoring. But if they can talk about how she was sleeping with that guy, and he was seen with someone else, and their marriage wa sa sham and all the rest, well, all the shit going on in your own lives doesn’t really matter, right?
Wake up, people. The world is going to hell, and we’re getting bread and circuses — except the bread is full of maggots, and the circus clowns aren’t even entertaining. What’s it going to take to get people’s heads out of their asses? What will it take to get our leading citizens to care about stuff that actually matters, instead of rancid sub-Hollywood bullshit? And how soon can we make it happen, because if I hear one more person talk about reality TV like it’s a viable career path, so help me Cthulhu, my head is going to explode. And if that happens, the collective IQ of S.G. will officially dip below that of a rotting rutabaga, and there will be nothing to stop the blind mole rats from taking over the world.
And if this is the best we can do? Screw it, they can have it.